Stefanie sun yan zi

Saturday, July 21, 2007
depressed

As i'm penning this entry, i'm feeling very depressed, very down. Juz had a tiff with my dad. He does not seem to support me in whatever i do. I know the family should come first. but... haiz.

Anyway the issue this time was over a proposed study trip to hongkong with my sch. It will cost ard $1200 for a week long study trip covering hk, macau and shen zhen. I never asked my dad for the money at all. I had all along intended to borrowed it from my mum and pay her a year later when i graduate. This, together with the main purpose of the trip (study tour) has never convinced my dad at all. He is adamant that I will be going there to play instead of study. On my part, I do admit there will definitely be some element of enjoyment. However, it is not entirely fun and games. Our itinery will also comprise of factory visits, Sch visits as well as learning the culture of conducting businesses in shopping malls. Because of this, he has always accused me of putting my personal enjoyment above the needs of the family. I am deeply upset by this.

This is not the first time he is not supportive of what i do. I can still remember when i came in first in class in primary 4 and third in class in secondary 2, he has never congratulated or praised me. In addition, I have been in the sport of lawn bowls for more than 5 years. All this while, i have never received any form of assurance or support from him. Not even when i bring home medals once in a while. On the other hand, he is more concerned with "why so many trainings?" and "today cannot skip training?". When i come home after a tournament, if he do ask, the question is more likely to be "lost already ah?" rather than "how did you do?" or "did you win?". Sometimes it just makes me wonder how come other people can have such supportive parents while i only have my mum on my side. My siblings are not on my side as well.

I am slowly perservering... waiting for the day when i can truly convinced my dad and not least of all, my brother, who will finally understand the effort that i put in to achieve what i want. Hopefully, this day will come soon.

___* hummed a yanzi tune + 6:11 PM

* * *